“On the Days of the Week”
By Gary L. Clendenon (c) 2022
As I get older, I am losing the energy to do as much as I did when I was younger. Thus, I am coming to enjoy simplicity and efficiency more. In this Spirit, I have decided that the names of the days of the week would be better re-named. Here are my proposed names:
SUNDAY = SUNDAY. This day stays the same. Sunday is the only fully-honest day that tells us immediately what it’s all about: The Sun. I respect that. This is the day to honor (some would even say “worship”) the Sun. Sun worship has a very long and strong tradition and it’s important that we acknowledge that. It is truly for that reason, though most don’t know it, that most Christians worship on Sun-day, so it would be wrong, I think to change the name of this day.
MONDAY = FUNDAY. Monday has a well-earned reputation for being the “Worst Day of the Week”. Thus, I can’t think of a better reason to re-brand Monday as “Funday”. It rhymes, and it brings a sense of anticipation and possibility to the day. (If people find this objectionable, we could always just fall back to the original meaning of Monday and call it “Moonday”, which is where the name originated from. At least then people can blame the moon for their funkiness. People who enjoy mooning each other would also find this a worthy honor.)
TUESDAY = TWOSDAY. Made popular by the term “Taco Twosday”, Twosday makes a whole lot more sense than “Tues”. What is a Tues? We have absolutely no connection to Tues, but at least we recognize and know how to spell “Twos”, and everyone knows that “Two is better than one”.
WEDNESDAY = WINSDAY. Seriously, how long did it take you to learn how to spell Wed-nes-day? And what’s the point of such an odd spelling? Let’s go with something simple like “Winsday” or “Windsday”. Either one would work just fine. They’re pronounced the same and, at least, have some meaning. Who doesn’t like to win? That would be my preference, as “Wind” is more neutral and can be either good or very bad.
THURSDAY = THIRSTDAY. I know it’s tempting with the original name coming from the god “Thor” to go that route, but I would argue, besides not supposed to be having any god before the Big G, there is a more important issue here to focus on. According to my sources, 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated, and “Dehydration” is a frequent cause of hospital admissions! This is a serious issue that needs to be addressed, and what better way than to name a day “Thirstday” to remind us of the importance of proper hydration!
FRIDAY = FRYDAY. It’s pronounced the same, but the meaning is so much better! (“Would you like fries with that?”) Seriously, who doesn’t love fried food? According to an article from the Wall Street Journal, “Fried food is one of Americans’ oldest obsessions” and that obsession has grown in the last two years. Why not honor “one of Americans’ oldest obsessions” with its own whole day? That seems totally appropriate, and so much better than honoring some “Frida” that no one even knows!!
SATURDAY = SABBADAY. The name “Saturday” is a shortening of the phrase “Saturn’s Day” (Saturn was a popular Roman god). This is a case of religious appropriation. In Hebrew, the Bible clearly states that the original name of the seventh day was/is “Shabbat” (which over time turned into the English word “Sabbath”). Ideally, then, we would, not wanting to be guilty of religious appropriation, call the seventh day “Sabbath”, at the least. My term “Sabbaday” is an obvious attempt to compromise in a way that maintains the original meaning.
