"My First Encounter With Pornography"

 

"My First Encounter With Pornography"

By Gary L. Clendenon (c) 2008

(Posted on Myspace May 12, 2008)

 

It started when I was 10 years old.  My life was filled with the innocent preoccupations of a child that age: What would we have for dinner?  Would the Rams win their next game against the Chargers?  How many touchdowns would I score at recess?  Could I go to Doug's house after school?  Where would I find another board to expand our tree house?  What would a penny look like after the train ran over it?  What color should I paint my '69 Pontiac model car?  How could I get out of practicing the piano?  Why couldn't adults be more like my cats--warm, cuddly, and glad to see me?  You know, important questions like that.

Riding my bike one day in a large parking lot, in the section where men worked on their cars, I noticed a stack of magazines next to the curb.  Being a collector of all things, an avid reader, and naturally curious, I decided to investigate.  I looked around to make sure I was alone and then started sifting through the stack.  At first I found car magazines, and then as I sifted deeper, I was shocked to see a scantily clad attractive woman staring at me from the cover of one of those magazines I heard my friends talk about in hushed tones, but had never actually seen.

I was drawn to and surprised by the power of her eyes.  They seemed to be trying desperately to communicate something to me.  Yes, me.  She was looking at me.  She had a special smile on her face--a kind of smile that I had never seen on a woman's face before.  It seemed that she liked me and wanted me to come closer to her, as if she had something special she wanted to tell me, or give me, or share with me.

A part of my mind suggested that I should put down the magazine and ride on--you know the voice that later you wish you had listened to, but I liked her smiling at me.  I liked how her eyes made me feel welcome and special.  It seemed a little strange that she would care about a 10-year-old kid like me, but growing up in a cold, critical, conservative Christian culture, I welcomed the warmth she seemed to be offering me.  It seemed that she very well might have the answer to my question about cats and adults.  I wanted that answer.  I wanted her warmth.  After another look around me to see if it was still safe, then I accepted her invitation.