“King David: Part Three: The Hero!” (Grace Note #101)

 

This is “Part Three” in a series of three essays on the story of King David’s sinful encounter with Bathsheba.

(Click HERE for “Part One”)

“King David: Part Three: The Hero!”

Grace Note #101

By Gary L. Clendenon, May 17, 2023

(All Bible verses quoted from The Message Bible)

The story of David and Bathsheba—this terrible, embarrassing story for which, in our times and judicial system, would have had David locked up in prison for LIFE—why is it in the Bible?

1. The story of David and Bathsheba is in the Bible because its ugliness speaks to the validity and honesty of the Bible as a legitimate, true text. Nothing is sugar-coated here. The errors and mistakes and flaws of all its characters are on full display. Nothing is hidden. Nothing glossed over. The “Heroes” of the Bible time and time again are not heroes in the sense that they had any special characteristics of righteousness or perfection. THE BEST WE CAN SAY OF THEM IS THAT THEY KEPT FOLLOWING GOD--IN SPITE OF THEIR MISTAKES. Of course, this is a huge encouragement to us who attempt to follow GOD. The best characters in the Bible—its “Heroes”—were messed up sinners just like us! From this we can gain strength and hope as we know how often we don’t measure up.

2. The story of David and Bathsheba—and all of the other messed up, flawed characters in the Bible—inevitably leads us to the conclusion that these people are NOT the heroes of their stories. If they are not, then who is the hero? As we scan these stories and the entire Bible, only one character rises to the standard of “Hero”. THE "HERO" OF THESE STORIES AND THE BIBLE IS GOD. Time after time after humanity has messed things up beyond all recognition, it’s GOD who steps in and saves the day. It’s GOD who steps in and straightens up, as best is possible, the complete messes of the Bible characters. Because GOD is the “Hero” of the Bible stories, this fact teaches us to not look to humanity for our heroes, but to GOD for our almost-always needed rescue.

3. A third reason the story of David and Bathsheba is in the Bible is to show us how GOD can and does forgive even the worst of our sins. Because David finally woke up to reality and understood the absolute gravity and seriousness of his sin, he prayed to GOD for a new, clean heart and repented in one of the most beautiful prayers in the Bible: “Create in me a clean heart, O LORD, my GOD, and renew a right spirit within me.” (Psalms 51. Please read this whole Psalm.) GOD did as David requested—forgiving him and renewing his heart, but the rest of the story must be told.

GOD DID NOT REMOVE THE CONSEQUENCES OF DAVID'S SINS. He lost to death the child that had been conceived in his sinful act. He lost respect in his children’s eyes which made it easier for them to enact their own horrible sins. He lost the chance to build GOD’s temple. His family, from that time forward, was a hot, dysfunctional, ugly mess! Yes, forgiveness is real and awesome, but the maxim that “Choices have consequences” cannot be ignored. There is no “Free Pass”.

The story of David and Bathsheba, like the other stories in the Bible, is a cautionary tale mixed with both the worst of humanity and the best of Deity. Let us—with David—praise GOD, the real “Hero” for His Grace, Mercy, and Everlasting Love.   ~ SELAH

(The term "Selah" is used 71 times in the Psalms.  Some think it means "Pause", as a note to the singers.  Some think it could also mean "Pause to consider".  I like how the AMPLIFIED BIBLE translates Selah: "Pause and calmly think about that."

“King David: Part Two: Hearts!” (Grace Note #100)

This is “Part Two” in a series of three essays on the story of King David’s sinful encounter with Bathsheba.

(Click HERE for “Part One”)

“King David: Part Two: Hearts!”

Grace Note #100

By Gary L. Clendenon, May 11, 2023

(All Bible verses quoted from The Message Bible)

In 2^nd Samuel 12:1, we read, “But GOD was not at all pleased with what David had done.” Ya think? This seems to be one of the greatest understatements in the Bible! (1)

Nathan, the Prophet of GOD, comes and tells David a “Word Picture” story—wisely using a harmed sheep as one of the main characters of the story knowing that David, the former Shepherd, would relate to and connect with the imagery! (2)

It worked well! “David EXPLODED IN ANGER”. Now, this is more like the reaction that I might expect from Almighty GOD—“Righteous Anger” at the harm caused to one of his little lambs!!

And then, with brilliant timing, Nathan, the Prophet of GOD, says, “YOU ARE THAT MAN!” Nathan then lists what GOD had done to bless David, what David had done to sin against GOD and His sheep—Bathsheba and Uriah, and then the consequences that will follow for David’s sins—and they are very serious, life-long consequences (looking back in hindsight, we can see that David’s command that “the man who did this...must repay...four times over” was about what happened to David throughout the rest of his life). (3)

Please notice David’s response to Nathan the Prophet’s story and consequent description in verse 13 of 2^nd Samuel 12: “Then David confessed to Nathan, ‘I have sinned against GOD’.” Finally, David is in his right mind. He gets it. And, immediately, David owns up to his sin. THIS shows one of the reasons why David is called “a man after GOD’s own heart.”

One of the main themes of the Bible is “our hearts”. GOD, above all else, wants our hearts. And David exemplifies this knowledge, understanding, and application so well in his later written response to Nathan’s message from GOD—as found in the 51^st Psalm. In verse 10 of Psalms 51, David says these now famous words: “Create in me a clean heart, O LORD, my God.” Later, in verse 17, he says, “I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. O God, you will not reject a humble and repentant heart.” That’s all GOD wants when we mess up: Admit it, receive the consequences and responsibilities of our choices, and ask for another chance to grow and do better as we learn from our mistakes.

Notice what happens next in 2^nd Samuel 12:13 after GOD’s Prophet had announced David’s consequences: “Nathan pronounced, ‘...but that’s not the last word. GOD forgives your sin. You won’t die for it’.” The Biblical consequences for adultery and murder were “Death” in the Kingdom of GOD. Some people say that it wasn’t fair for GOD to pardon David’s death, but there was one key difference between his sin and King Saul’s sin: David acknowledged his sin and sought forgiveness while Saul, when confronted with his sin, hardened his heart and remained unrepentant. This contrast, again, points to the importance of our hearts to GOD and His willingness to work with anyone who understands their sinfulness and wishes to be better. (4)

My Prayer: “GOD, give me the soft, clean heart of David to be honest with you about my sins when you make them aware to me. I want to be ‘a man after GOD’s own heart’.”

CLICK HERE for Part Three:

FOOTNOTES:

1. Note: This verse is found in 2^nd Samuel 11:27 in other versions than The Message Bible.

2. For more on this concept of “Word Pictures”, read Gary Smalley’s excellent book The Language of Love.

3. 2^nd Samuel 12:10,11. For a deeper reading of this, see Ellen White’s Patriarchs & Prophets chapters 71-73.

4. Regarding David “getting out of his punishment” Ellen White says, “The sentence of death was transferred from David to the child of his sin. Thus the king was given opportunity for repentance; while to him the suffering and death of the child...was far more bitter than his own death could have been.” Patriarchs & Prophets, p. 722.

“King David: Part One: Bathsheba!” (Grace Note #99)

 

“King David: Part One: Bathsheba!”

Grace Note #99

By Gary L. Clendenon, May 3, 2023

(All Bible verses quoted from The Message Bible)

This is “Part One” in a series of three essays on the story of King David’s sinful encounter with Bathsheba.  I’m starting this with the assumption that you know the story of David and Bathsheba found in 2nd Samuel chapter 11. If you don’t, or you need a refresher, I recommend you read it there first.

First of all, I love wordplay and cannot pass up pointing out the irony in this woman’s name: “Bath” sheba? Wow. David saw her taking a bath, then asked and found out her name. It’s also interesting that Bathsheba’s later son through David, Solomon, had a relationship with the Queen of Sheba! (“Hey, that’s like my Mom’s name!”) The name “Sheba” in Hebrew means “Promise”. Jesus was a descendant of Bathsheba. Coincidence?

Now, back to the story. David’s men and army—including Bathsheba’s husband—were off fighting a war for him. The actions David took in this story were SO WRONG on so many levels! Ideally, you would think that he would have been fasting and praying for his army’s victory instead of watching a naked woman bathe. Christian author, Ellen White, says that David’s “success” as a King caused him to become lazy and arrogant in the reliance on GOD he had had in his younger years.

It WAS the custom of worldly kings to do whatever they wanted to and get away with it as “Entitled Royalty” (much like the entitled elites of today). But, obviously, the Kingdom of GOD, as represented by Israel and King David, was to be intentionally and thoughtfully different. In David’s actions, we see the thinking of a man whose thinking has been co-opted by the thinking of the world. THIS—through the subtle working of Satan’s guidance over time—was David’s downfall: Bad thinking led to bad actions.

This is one danger of a life of wealth and/or ease! Slowly, over time, our minds become accustomed to what should NOT be taken for granted. We lose awareness over the on-going, always-present, battle for our hearts and minds until one day we find—when faced with a temptation we never would have given into before—we find ourselves not even thinking twice before quickly giving in to the temptation as if it were a completely natural thing to do!

The level of darkness this story continues to sink down to is shown when David brings Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah, back from the front to “sleep with his wife” and Uriah refuses saying, “The Ark [of the Covenant] is out there with the fighting men of Israel and Judah—in tents. [They] are roughing it out in the fields. So, how can I go home and enjoy my wife?”

As I stated earlier, THIS thinking of Uriah’s, in great contrast to David’s thinking, shows what the thinking of David ought to have been from the start. But, David’s focus on the “problem”—that he created with his original bad thinking, instead, seems to keep him from ANOTHER, seemingly obvious, missed opportunity to do the right thing. Instead, as we’ll see in Part Two of this series, he ignores the opportunity, taking another, further step down into darkness.

My takeaways: I must always guard my thoughts against any idea of entitlement thinking and/or thinking I am above or better than anyone else. To do this, I will continue my practice that anything I have, own, or get is a gift from GOD for which I will continue to express my gratitude for daily, if not more often. Conversely, anything GOD hasn’t given me is not currently meant for me, so I will strive to be “content” (Philippians 4:11,12) and grateful for whatever I do have. May it be so.

CLICK HERE for Part Two:

“Don’t Be So Sure!” (Grace Note #89)

 

“Don’t Be So Sure!”

Grace Note #89

By Gary L. Clendenon, October 16, 2020

                                                                        

Most of us know well the famous story of Peter’s betrayal. Early in the day of Peter’s betrayal, Peter was confessing his loyalty to Jesus and Jesus said to him, “DON’T BE SO SURE. Today, this very night, in fact...you will deny me three times.” Peter replied, “I will never deny you” and all the other disciples said the same thing! (Mark 14:29-31, emphasis mine)

We think we know ourselves pretty well and what we would or would not do, but this story puts a real check on that idea! It gives us an opportunity to learn from others and grow in our understanding of ourselves. We really don’t know what we would actually do in any given situation!

“DON’T BE SO SURE”, Jesus says!

We would be wise to learn from Peter and all the other Disciples’ experience and become LESS SURE of who we think we are and what we think we would do.

I learned this lesson most graphically as a Student Missionary in Indonesia when we decided to teach our students a lesson on how they should relate to the poor (Indonesia has a LOT of poor people!). We practiced a skit on “The Good Samaritan” (1) and then headed home for a quick dinner before our evening program.

At our gate was a living example of the parable: a man, in desperate need of some real help! We passed by him. We had a schedule to keep—a program to get ready for! We ate our dinner in humbled silence until someone finally said what we were all feeling: “Shouldn’t we do something to help the guy at our front gate?” We all scattered to gather things to help him and then went out to the front gate.

He was gone.

It was with real humility that we acted out the skit of “The Good Samaritan” that night and a renewed sense of what the parable really meant!

Almost every day on my daily walk, I encounter the “Samaritans” of our day—the homeless. They are dirty. They smell funny. They smoke. Often, they seem really off in the head. To be honest, I am a bit afraid of them. Intellectually, as a “Christian”, I am very sure that I want to help them—my heart goes out to them, but, in reality, I am repulsed by them and want to “cross to the other side” of the street.

Truth is, I am not so sure about what to do—how to be Christ to them. I give to local charities that help the homeless, but something in me says that’s kind of a cop out. I’m going to end this, not with some clever colloquialism or pound-it-home-point, but instead just with an honest admission—taking Jesus’ advice—that “I’m just not so sure”.

It may be that solutions are only found in this place of not being so sure. Let’s find out!

1. The parable told by Jesus in Luke 10:25-37.  

“Reducing God: A Meditation on Isaiah 46” (Grace Note #2)

 “Reducing God: A Meditation on Isaiah 46” (The Message version)

(Grace Note #2)

By Gary L. Clendenon, August 11, 2014

In Isaiah 46, God continues making his case for His people to worship Him and not other idols (an often repeated theme in Isaiah). He says, in verses 5-7, “Can you picture me without reducing me?” What an excellent point He makes! All metaphors, pictures, and symbols of GOD are by their very nature incomplete caricatures. We like to, as the text goes on to say, have a God we can “carry around in holy parades, then take home and put on the shelf, [where] it sits, day in and day out, a dependable God, always right where you put it. Say anything you want to it, it never talks back. Of course, it never does anything either!”

We humans have a tendency to want things to fit neatly in our mental shelves and boxes, so that everything makes sense and feels safe. God knew about this and that is why he warned us about this in the first and second commandments: “Have no gods other than Me. Do not make for yourselves a god to look like anything that is in heaven above or on the earth below or in the waters under the earth. Do not worship them or work for them.” (Ex. 20:3-5 NLV) Idols are safe replacements for the Real Thing. We make an idol out of GOD when we try to force him into our mold.

C.S. Lewis has a great quote making this point:

An ‘impersonal God’—well and good. A subjective God of beauty, truth and goodness, inside our own heads—better still. A formless life-force surging through us, a vast power which we can tap—best of all. But God Himself, alive, pulling at the other end of the cord, perhaps approaching at an infinite speed, the hunter, king, husband—that is quite another matter. There comes a moment when the children who have been playing at burglars hush suddenly: was that a real footstep in the hall? There comes a moment when people who have been dabbling in religion (‘Man’s search for God!’) suddenly draw back. Supposing we really found Him? We never meant it to come to that! Worse still, supposing He had found us!

~ C. S. Lewis, Miracles (1947; repr. New York: HarperCollins, 1996), 150.

Later, in Lewis’ celebrated children’s book, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, he tells of the adventures of four children in the magical kingdom of Narnia. GOD & Jesus are represented by a lion named Aslan. When in Narnia, the children meet Mr. and Mrs. Beaver, who describe the mighty lion to them.

“Ooh!” said Susan, “I’d thought he was a man. Is he–quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”

“That you will, dearie, and no mistake,” said Mrs. Beaver, “if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most or else just silly.”

“Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy.

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver. “Don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.” (1)

This week, let's make our best efforts to let GOD be God. Let's break whatever molds we've tried to squeeze GOD into. Let's take GOD off the shelf and let Him have the whole room. Let's recognize the box we've put GOD in and, at the very least, let Him be bigger than we've imagined so far. Let's let GOD “talk back” to us, and move among us and our proceedings. Let's make sure that what GOD wants for our lives becomes more important than what we want. As we do that, it might feel scary and unsafe, but in the end, the results will be good. “GOOD!”

As GOD says, getting back to Isaiah 46 (8-11), “Remember your history, your long and rich history, I am GOD, the only God you've ever had or ever will have—incomparable, irreplaceable—From the very beginning telling you what the ending will be, All along letting you in on what is going to happen. Assuring you, 'I'm in this for the long haul, I'll do exactly what I set out to do...'” I think we can definitely apply these words to our lives and trust that GOD has a plan and it will be revealed.

(1) http://andrewgroves.wordpress.com/2008/08/17/aslan-is-he-safe/

On the Challenge of the Old Testament GOD! (Part 4)

On the Challenge of the Old Testament GOD! (Part 4)

This is Part 4 of "On the Challenge of the Old Testament GOD!"

For "Part One", GO HERE!

Part 4 consists of quotations from another one of the best books I have read on this topic of making sense of the barbaric, harsh Old Testament: Who's Afraid of the Old Testament GOD?  by Alden Thompson.

"Yes, the New Testament revelation of is clear and therefore in some ways better. But if we neglect the Old in favor of the New, we shall never really experience that peculiar kind of joy that comes from experiencing the movement of God's plan from "good" to "better"--and to "best"."  p. 12, 13.

"A great number of perplexities that crop up in connection with the patriarchs simply vanish when we recognize that these men had entered a world that had been great distorted by sin, so much so that the truths which God had originally entrusted to the human family had disappeared or had become greatly distorted by contact with pagan culture."  p. 24.

"What a struggle it was for God to reveal himself to those people, people who so easily and so quickly fell so far."  p. 27.

"As circumstances change , as people grow or degenerate, God moulds [sic] his message to the needs of the hour. For a people enslaved in a pagan culture, the Sinai revelation was just what was needed--a little thunder and smoke to catch their attention."  p. 17.

"...when human beings forget God, they also forget their fellow creatures, sinking to cruelty and abuse.  So when God seeks to awaken a knowledge of himself in the hearts of a people thus degraded and alienated from him, he does not seek simply to make them more 'religious,' but also to make them more human. Judged by the cultures around ancient Israel, the laws given to Israel show remarkable signs of 'humanization'. God took this people, in spite of the many barbaric and cruel customs which they had adopted, and began to draw them to him. He wished to show them a better way. But if human beings are to be treated as real human beings who possess the power of choice, then the 'better way' must come gradually. Otherwise, they will exercise their freedom of choice and turn away from that which they do not understand."  p. 25.

"Reflection on such questions simply emphasizes how far these great people of ages past were from holding the kinds of standards that we would consider right. Yet these were God's people and God chose to use them.  What does that tell us about God?  Either that God is very cruel---or that he is very patient.  I much prefer the latter alternative, for that is the kind of God I find revealed in Jesus Christ. With that deep Christian bias that I readily admit, I choose the alternative that fits the bigger picture."  p. 25, 26.

This concludes my 4-part series on the challenge of understanding the Old Testament GOD. I hope it has brought you to a better place of understanding. I know I haven't answered all the questions because, as with all relationships, "IT'S COMPLICATED", and there are some answers that will just have to remain unanswered until we reach Heaven. I'll close with a favorite quote that helps me deal with those seemingly unanswerable questions. It's from the genius, C.S. Lewis:

"I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice? Only words, words; to be led out to battle against other words.”

― C. S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces

On The Challenge of the Old Testament GOD! (Part 3: "The Question of Violence")

On The Challenge of the Old Testament GOD!(Part 3: "The Question of Violence")
This is Part 3 in my series on "The challenge of the Old Testament GOD."GO HERE for Part 1

What follows comes directly from Alden Thompson's book, Escape from the Flames: How Ellen White grew from fear to joy--and helped me to do it too, p. 55

I am prepared to argue with passion that the violence of God in the Old Testament is His radical adaptation to meet the expectations of a people turned violent through sin. The only way for a patient God to win the hearts of violent people is to use the language and methods they understand.

...the distortion caused by violence is very much with us today. A colleague once told me of a conversation with an Adventist from a third-world country. The man told him that as a result of his experience at Andrews University, he had become convinced that the men in his tribe should no longer beat their wives. Returning home, he was able, in time, to win the men over to his nonviolent ideal. But then the wives began to complain: "Why don't our husbands love us anymore? They don't beat us like they used to."

Nor are the distortions caused by violence limited to third-world countries. I know a devout Adventist woman who took on a teaching job at a county juvenile detention center. ... One of the girls came up to her one day and asked rather shyly, "How often does your husband beat you?" The teacher was startled, "Why, my husband doesn't beat me at all. He loves me."

After a moment's hesitation, the girl went on, "But if your husband really loves you, he would beat you. Your parents beat you to show you that they love you; your boyfriend does the same; when you join a gang, the members beat you to show you that they care; and when you get married, your husband beats you. I feel sorry for you, Mrs. C, that your husband doesn't love you. 

How does God communicate love to people like that? Without gentle believers to model gentle love, God has to step back and reach the people with the only kind of language they understand: violence. In short, the violence of God in the Old Testament tells us first of all about the violent people He is trying to reach.

GO HERE for Part Four: https://notesfromthegc.blogspot.com/2023/09/on-challenge-of-old-testament-god-part_5.html

On the Challenge of the Old Testament GOD! (Part 1)

 On the Challenge of the Old Testament GOD! (Part 1)

By Gary L. Clendenon, 2011

When you read the Old Testament, you may very likely experience and face a “Crisis of Faith”. There are a lot of gnarly things in there that can leave even the greatest scholars speechless. So, obviously, I don't have all the answers. I will gladly share what I believe, but I also warn you: This side of Heaven, there will be some things that there are no answers for, and if you are going to read the Old Testament, you need to be aware of that.

Old Testament Scholar Alden Thompson says something like: "If you can't handle reading the Old Testament, like my wife can't, then don't read it—or just read the good bits."

My personal secret for reading the Old Testament is that I read it knowing that I believe in GOD and that GOD is a loving GOD. If what I read doesn't make sense to me or seems to argue against a loving GOD, then if I can't make sense of it, I put that story on my mental “Later” shelf until someone or some book enlightens me on that story. Or, I wait until Heaven when all questions will be answered.

The best guide I have had through the Old Testament is Alden Thompson. I recommend his books which can answer some of your questions. I will share some of his words with you now:

"In brief, the movement from Old Testament to New Testament is the movement from an emphasis on God's power to an emphasis on His goodness; from fear, threats, and violence, to spontaneity, joy and gentleness; from the God who kills (Sinai) to the God who dies (Golgotha)

. . .

Beginning in the Garden of Eden, God steps back, allowing sin to produce its "natural" fruit, a selfishness that ends in violence as demonstrated in the experiences of Cain, the flood, and Babel. Then, starting over with Abraham—whose family worshiped other gods—God leads His people back on the long path from violence back to gentleness. Through the careful use of violence, the language violent people understand the best, God—yes, you heard right—God nudges them toward the gentle Jesus, God's great ideal—Jesus who never killed anyone; who never struck anyone. ...the move from Old Testament to New Testament is simply the move from power to goodness, from fear to joy, with Jesus the clearest revelation of all. And many of us have to follow that same path in our own personal experience."

~ Escape From the Flames by Alden Thompson, pgs. 29-30.

More quotes, different book:

“If you want to know what God is like, look at Jesus. He never tried to explain any of the "problems" of the Old Testament, even though He often quoted from it and clearly cherished it as God's word. The New Testament clearly establishes these three truths: (1) the Old Testament was Jesus' Bible; (2) the God of the Old Testament was Jesus' God; and (3) Jesus Himself was the Yahweh God of the Old Testament, Yahweh in human form. They tried to stone him for that.

But if Jesus was the Yahweh God of the Old Testament in human flesh, and if God is like Jesus, then only one conclusion fits the story of an incredibly patient God—patient like Jesus—who knows the horrifying effects of sin on the human heart and mind. His goal? To bring His lost and wandering children to the peaceable kingdom where no one will hurt or destroy in all God's holy mountain and where even animals are vegetarians.

But that can't happen all at once. En route to the peaceable kingdom, God has to reach people where they are and speak a language they can understand. That can be troubling for us until we realize it was exactly what those people needed, so that they, too, could take a step closer to God's new earth.

Jesus came to earth to make that new world possible. And His wonderful example of gentle love is the one we need to follow. You don't have to understand all the shocking stuff. Maybe you should be aware of it, but you don't need to dwell on it. Jesus Himself just ignored it, drawing from His Bible the good news that made Him who He was. According to the book of Hebrews [1:1-4], the revelation of God in Jesus Christ is better than anything God had ever done before.

So whenever you wonder what God is like, just look at Jesus. And keep it up."

Beyond Common Ground, by Alden Thompson, p. 37-38

CLICK BELOW FOR PART TWO:

https://notesfromthegc.blogspot.com/2022/08/the-baddest-god-relating-to-god-of-old.html

"When I Fooled the World" (A Song by Me!)

Hello Friends. I fell in love with the song "Viva La Vida" (by the group ColdPlay) the very first time I heard it. It was the MUSIC not the lyrics that I fell in love with and ever since then I haven't been able to get it out of my head. So, I did what I do and wrote some new lyrics that made the song more personal to me and very autobiographical. Here's a link to a karaoke version if you want to follow along with my song:

Since this blog post, I now have a YouTube video of this song.

CLICK HERE for that video!

When I Fooled the World
by Gary L. Clendenon (c) 2009
Adapted from "When I Ruled the World" by ColdPlay

I used to rule the world
Knees would rise when I gave the word (1)
Now in the morning I sleep alone (2)
Weep for the feats I used to own

I used to cajole with "nice"
Feel the tears in my subject's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
"Now he's Courtesy King, long live the king!" (3)
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castle stands
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand. (4)

I heard the lure of S.M. bells ringing
University choirs were singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
I was a missionary in a foreign field (5)
For some reason I can't explain
Once I'd begun it was never,
never an honest word
That was when I fooled the world. (6)

It was a wail-ful and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered pillows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries wait
For my head to find its mate (7)
Just a lonely heart that's learned to sing
Oh...Praise to the King! Praise to the King!

I hear New Jerusalem bells a ringing
Heaven's Calvary choirs singing
He my Mirror, my Sword and Shield
My Emissary died for me to be healed
For a love I just can't explain
I know St. Peter will call my name
No longer a dishonest word
That was when I fooled the world. (8)


Whoa-o-o-o (x4)

(Whoa...) Hear New Jerusalem bells a ringing
(Whoa...) Heaven's Calvary choirs singing
(Whoa...) Be my mirror, my sword and shield
(Whoa...) My Emissary died for me to be healed
(Whoa...) For a love I just can't explain
(Whoa...) I know St. Peter will call my name
Never a dishonest Word
But that was since He rules the world.

FOOTNOTES:

1. I taught for 10 years.

2. I was divorced in 1998.

3. I was named "Courtesy King" all the years I attended Laurelwood Academy.

4. In 2001 my life came crashing down. I ended up in a Treatment Center for one month.

5. "S.M." = "Student Missionary", went to Indonesia and China.

6. It was in the treatment center that I learned about my facade--since I had even fooled myself!

7. A Sioux Indian saying that I learned in my Recovery is that "The longest journey is from the head to the heart." That has been my experience. This section of my song dedicated to my experience with the personal growth workshops called "Foundations" (https://foundations1.com/)

8. In the Love of GOD through Jesus I have found my salvation from fooling the world with "Nice-ness". Now my goal is to be "Real".

My Story: Work, Marriage and After!

 My Story: Work, Marriage and After!

By Gary L. Clendenon (c) 2020

Growing up in a dysfunctional SDA family and System (See Footnote 1), I learned the following things:

1. I had to be perfect to get into Heaven. Anything less than perfect was not good enough.

2. Negative thoughts and emotions were not to be allowed as they were Sinful.

3. My job as a Christian was to Love and be Nice to everyone I met, and if possible save all from Hell.

Over time, I developed and perfected a facade which I used to interact with other humans. It was a GOOD facade. I got awards for it and even fooled myself. (See Footnote 2)

Underneath the facade was a boatload of shame for all the sinning I had done in my life, a HUGE amount of fear that I would be discovered and exposed for the fraud that I really was, and a body and mind completely filled with the OVERWHELMING stress of trying to keep the facade going, trying to be perfect, and shoving down and burying all negative thoughts and emotions completely.

I managed this facade well through my high school and college days and took it into my Marriage and first job as a Teacher. The completely foreign job of being a “Man” and a “Husband” AND the task of PERFECTLY managing 120 students and my Coworkers and a Boss all day was COMPLETELY OVERWHELMING to my system. I didn’t know this at the time or understand it at all. I had heard the first year of teaching was the hardest, so I stubbornly pushed through that year—hoping things would get better.

I was completely in over my head. Because of how I was trained growing up, with the three “Life Commandments” I had learned, what was I to do? There was one other factor: GOD had called me to this job and had promised His help to get me through it.

For years I gave ALL of myself to my job, even grading papers over vacations. I never allowed the Truth of what was going on inside of me out—even to myself. And rather than admit the job was too much for me, I slaved on. I was not a workaholic, but more of a perfectionist. I knew no other way.

Needless to say, this took a huge hit on my marriage. When I got home every night from work, I was utterly and completely exhausted. I had nothing left for a relationship with my wife. And because of my pact to never say anything bad, and my fear of being exposed as a fraud of a man, I remained silent about what was going on inside of me—much of what I was ALSO hiding from myself!!

Unfortunately, my wife, who naturally had her own dysfunctional beliefs to deal with, had to try and figure out on her own what was going on inside of me. Over time, she tried out all possible scenarios in her head—including that I was having an affair—and finally settled on the one that fit her “Growing Up” beliefs born out of her woundedness: “She was a failure as a wife, I didn’t love her, and I was going to leave her—the same way her Father had left her.” Believing this to be true, she gave up and turned away from me. (See Footnote 3)

None of these beliefs were true, but our “Growing Up” beliefs are very powerful and completely influence our adult lives. She was not a failure as a wife. I did love her—as best as my broken and dysfunctional life would allow. I would have never left her. I was in it for the long haul. But, since I was unable to give her what was in me, she was forced to create her own version of our story.

When she turned away from me, I was saddened, of course, but as John Gray teaches in Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus, we men show our respect for another person’s journey by allowing them to go in their cave and work through their own problems until they figure them out. Being a good man, then, I respected my wife’s turning away from me as her need for some “Cave Time”. (I now know that this is the opposite of what I would have ideally done!)

So, there we were at night in bed. Me desperately needing and wanting me wife emotionally and physically, but turning away out of respect for her. And her, desperately desiring her husband emotionally and physically but turning away because of what she had come to believe about me and us—though completely false! Two people in the same bed, both desperate for the same things, but separated from each other by invisible walls of complete misunderstandings and miss-beliefs!!

Does it get any sadder than that? Well, yes, it does. Those misunderstandings and miss-beliefs continued on and grew into a complete separation, then a most devastating and pain-filled divorce. Then, for me, 20 years of loneliness and regret as a single man.

Here’s what I learned:

1. It was a poor choice for me to become a Teacher. It was the complete wrong occupation for a “Highly Sensitive Introvert”.

2. It was a poor choice for me to not rip off my facade of “The Nice Guy” and become real. (I later learned this in a Treatment Center for Codependency.)

3. If I had put my marriage and wife first instead of my job, I would probably still be married today.

4. I understand now why “Nice guys finish last.”

5. Men and Women come into a marriage with their own unresolved childhood baggage and beliefs. They are essentially two children attempting to live “Adult” lives.

6. Marriage is a gift that allows us to find out about our miss-beliefs about life and relationships and work through them, ideally, in a loving environment.

7. The best thing one can do for one’s marriage is to become aware of one’s own baggage and miss-beliefs and work on growing themselves up into reality. Working on the other person’s “issues” only sets the marriage back and further behind.

8. Men and Women do life differently, as best pointed out by John Gray’s works regarding Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. Understanding these differences can save and even enhance ones marriage.

9. When we don’t share our story with another, they will create a story that will most often be far worse than whatever we are hiding inside.

10. Wisdom from Shrek: “Better out than in, I always say!” corresponds nicely with the saying “You’re only as sick as the secrets you keep.” (I was one sick puppy. :( )

11. Most people are not completely who we think they are. It takes a lot of work to truly get to know someone. We have to journey through their facades and masks to find the person hiding within.

12. Many of us don’t know who we truly are. Again, it takes work to find ourselves.

13. There are numerous tools out there to bring us into alignment with who we are and were meant to be: books, seminars, workshops, counselors, therapists. We can ask GOD to guide our Healing and “Growing Up” journey, and He will—as He has promised.

FOOTNOTES:

1. I am not bashing my family or my church (The SDA Church) here.  No family or organization is immune from dysfunction (Remember the Bible says our sins go to the 3rd and 4th generations (See Deuteronomy 5:9). 

2. For a musical version of this fooling story, I wrote a song.  Go Here to see/hear it.

3. This is my version and understanding of my wife’s story. You would need to check with her for her version. ;)